Introducing the congealed mayonnaise society

The first rule of congealed mayonnaise club is, do not talk about congealed mayonnaise club.

The second rule of congealed mayonnaise club is, do not talk about congealed mayonnaise club.

The third rule of congealed mayonnaise club is, punch an owl.

The forth rule of congealed mayonnaise club is, punch another owl.

The fifth rule of congealed mayonnaise club is, denounce salad cream.

The sixth rule of congealed mayonnaise club is, trespassers will be prosecuted.

The seventh rule of congealed mayonnaise club is, no deck shoes.

The eighth rule of congealed mayonnaise club is, all drug dealers will be shoot.

The ninth rule of congealed mayonnaise club is, if you really really really want a zig a zig ah, do it outside.

The tenth and final rule of congealed mayonnaise club is, no food or drink to be consumed in carpeted areas of the congealed mayonnaise club den (aka Paul whites mothers garage).

Thank you for taking an interest in congealed mayonnaise club, it is our aim to share our passion of all things congealed mayonnaise related.

Whether it's congealed French mayonnaise, congealed Hellmans mayonnaise, congealed Heinz mayonnaise, congealed store brand mayonnaise or congealed Branston mayonnaise with a Twist Lemon & Roast Garlic, even Dutch congealed Fritessaus type mayonnaise we are the worlds number one resource and your go to guys for all things relating to congealed mayonnaise.

We wish to give lovers of congealed mayonnaise products throughout the world a platform to share their anecdotes, experiences and love for congealed mayonnaise and congealed mayonnaise based products. We are a holey inclusive organisation and are openly opposed to all forms of discrimination along the lines of race, sex and sexual orientation. We pride ourselves on being a non sectarian secular organisation.

Some of our rumoured celebrity members include the likes of Kevin Bacon's sisters gardeners hairdressers cousins nephew, storage hunters Tarrell Wright (aka T-Money), Bargain Hunt beauty Christina Trevanion, Lionel's Jospin, Richie & Blair, former professional football players Ledley King, Stuart Pearce and Yakubu. Wrestlers, Bad News Brown, Barry Horowitz, Doink the Clown and Macho Man Randy Savage. Newsreader Sir Trevor McDonald, Les Dennis, former french president and all round international gobshite Nicolas Sarcozy, Wolf from Gladiators, Towers of London frontman Donny Tourette, Al Gore, Beverly Craven, Pippa Middleton, Daniel Radcliffe and Maria Sharapova, Angela Merkel, Former Dragons Den stars Theo Paphitis, Hilary Devey and current dragon Deborah “vinegar tits” Meaden. Oh and I'll fated, broken foot having former Catchphrase host Nick Weir ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJhHTnBWc6M ).



Yes, never has the congealed mayonnaise scene been so vibrant. But don't take our words for it, here are a few words from some of our members.

“Congealed mayonnaise is brilliant”

“I just love congealed mayonnaise so much, this club is everything I have”

“I met my wife at a congealed mayonnaise club meeting, we both love congealed mayonnaise so much”

“you never feel alone at a congealed mayonnaise club meeting”

“You won't find a more passionate or attentive lover than someone who appreciates the finer points of congealed mayonnaise and congealed mayonnaise related matters”

“Congealed mayonnaise helped me get clean when I was addicted to smack. Overall I find congealed mayonnaise to be far more wholesome than the gear. I also like chocolate and three different types of cheese but nothing compares to the thrill of congealed mayonnaise”

“If more people in this world showed an interests in congealed mayonnaise there would be no war. Fact”

“Sorry, just came in to use the bathroom”

“Oh yes, me and my lot cannot get enough of congealed mayonnaise and congealed mayonnaise based topics”

“Congealed mayonnaise is better than sex”

“Congealed mayonnaise helps me suppress my urge to kill”

“I'm not a racist but congealed mayonnaise is amazing”

“When I'm not thinking about congealed mayonnaise matters I am thinking about congealed mayonnaise, it really is all I think about and has been for some time”

“I eat, drink and shit congealed mayonnaise. Well, I don't shit congealed mayonnaise, I'm not a bloody weirdo”

“some people think I'm crazy but I don't care. They have their pop music and cars and soccerball and tennis and table tennis and badminton and squash and their Wet Wet Wet dvds but I don't like any of those things. I like congealed mayonnaise. It's my thing”

“I just want to live my life, if that means people don't accept me so be it. People come and go but congealed mayonnaise will always be there for me”

“I used to masturbate frequently but now I do not. Congealed mayonnaise gives me everything I need”

“When my husband left me I thought I was alone, but the club looked after me. Now I have a new husband. He is the chairperson of the congealed mayonnaise society. Not too shabby huh. He makes me feel like a Goddess, I owe it all to congealed mayonnaise”



So you've heard from our members, you've heard what we have to say, why not join us... What have you got to lose?

First membership is £21.99 for a five year pass and membership pack. Membership pack includes Congealed mayonnaise society badge, notepad and pencil case complete with personalised congealed mayonnaise society stationary, humorous “I came I saw, I love congealed mayonnaise” T-Shirt and free entry into congealed mayonnaise land (if and when we secure the funding to build it).

T-shirts available in green, dark green, olive green, black, purple, and racing green

Available in sizes - Large, X Large, XX Large. XXX Large
Other T-shirts available on request as follows -
£12.99 each item or £10 for three

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I ❤ Congealed Mayonnaise!

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What's that?
You don't like
Congealed Mayonnaise?
Go fuck yourself !

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Jesus Saves

But
Congealed Mayonnasie

Delights !

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Who's the daddy?

Congealed Mayonnaise

is the daddy!

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